意隐故事--三柱香

　　傍晚，东方余悠和Jayden找了一家餐厅，挑选了一个门外的好座位，决定好好放松一下一天的心情。

　　虽然放松，但是东方余悠没有忘记今天下午Jayden那段不经意的话，她决定趁这个机会和Jayden好好谈谈，不是暗示性地，不是旁敲侧击地，她打算直接提出问题。之前她自己太隐晦，Jayden也总是不明不白，就像他们之前的关系一样。同理，这个问题也到了需要捅破窗户纸的时候了。

　　东方余悠：“Jayden, I want to have an honest conversation with you, is that OK? Can you answer me honestly?（Jayden，我想和你来一场坦诚的对话可以吗？你能坦诚地回答我的问题吗？）”

　　Jayden嘴里还嚼着没咽下去的饭，眼睛也还没来得及抬起来：“yeah, of course, I always do.（当然，我一直都是。）”

　　东方余悠：“Do you want to get back to court and compete again? Because every time I see you there, I see the ambition and I see the crave and I just don't believe that you don't want that craze anymore. （你想回到赛场上去比赛吗？因为每次我看见你在球场上，我都能看见你的雄心、你的渴望，我就是不能相信你不想要那种疯狂的感觉了。）”

　　Jayden停下刀叉，他在思考。

　　Jayden：“I don't know how to answer that right now. I guess you are right, I do miss that feeling, and I can feel it too, the fire in me.（我现在不知道该怎么去回答这个问题。我觉得你可能是对的，我确实很想念那种感受，我也确实能感觉到，那团心中的火。）”

　　东方余悠：“So why not?（所以为什么不呢？）”

　　Jayden：“That's what I cannot pinpoint. （这也是我很难明确指出的。）”

　　东方余悠：“Is it because of your sister?（因为你的姐姐吗？）”

　　Jayden：“...I figure it must have something to do with her, but I know she would have wanted the best for me, and I know she would never hold me back.（我觉得有些原因吧，但是我知道她想让我得到最好的，我知道她不会阻止我去追求我想要的。）”

　　东方余悠：“Exactly, that's what I want to say, don't let your own guilt hold you down because your sister wouldn't want that.（没错，这也是我想说的，不要让你自己心中的愧疚拖累你，因为你姐姐不会想要这样的。）”

　　Jayden：“I know, I'm aware of that, so I guess maybe there's more to it. You know, come to think of it, I don't love the game 100%. I love some part of it but not necessarily all.（我知道，我明白，所以可能还有什么别的原因吧。现在想想，我并不是百分之百喜欢比赛，我享受它的一部分，但并不是全部。）”

　　东方余悠：“Maybe you love winning and hate losing?（可能你喜欢赢但是不喜欢输？）”

　　Jayden：“Right, aren't we all?（没错，谁不是呢？） ” 他笑了，“And I hate that life has to be all about it. The whole world is composed of winning and losing, and I could once again miss out on so many things. （而且我不喜欢生活总是围绕着它。整个世界都是由输赢组成，而我可能又一次错失掉很多东西。）”

　　东方余悠：“But it doesn't have to be, you have the control of how you want your life to be.（但这不是必须要这样的啊，你可以控制你想要你的生活怎么样。）”

　　Jayden：“As an outsider, I would agree with you, but once you are in the arena, it's life or death.（作为一个局外人，我会同意你说的话，但是当你真的进了竞技场，一切都变成了生和死。）”

　　东方余悠：“No it's not. You are not gonna die when you lose. （才不是呢。输又不会死。）”

　　Jayden：“But you feel like it.（但是你会感觉像死一样。）”

　　东方余悠：“At that moment, maybe, but you adjust back.（在当下，有可能，但是你可以调整过来。）”

　　Jayden：“Well, it's always easy to say isn't it? You always say I'm talented, like you know I'm gonna be great. But what if I'm not, what if I give it my all, but still end up nowhere? What are you gonna say about that? Is there a guarantee that I'm gonna be someone? Do you know how many junior world number ones entered pro just to have their ego slashed？I had my moment, and that moment cost me greatly, it cost me my sister, and I just don't want to go through that all over again.（说起来很容易不是吗？你总是说我很有天赋，就好像你知道我以后会有所成就似的。但是如果我其实并没有呢，如果我付出了全部却还是没有任何结果呢？那这样的话你要怎么说？难道这里有什么保证说我一定会有所成就吗？你知道有多少青少年世界第一进入到职业比赛结果自尊心却被伤得片甲不留吗？我已经拥有过荣耀了，并且那荣耀让我付出了代价，我失去了我姐姐，我不想再重新经历一次了。 ）”

　　东方余悠：“But...（但是...）”

　　Jayden：“You should know it better than anybody. （你应该比谁都理解。）”

　　东方余悠：“I do! That's why I don't want you to have any regrets, cause I do! I thought stop playing is gonna solve everything, I thought it's gonna pull me out of the misery, but it does not. That's avoidance. For that moment, yes, it became less painful, but in the long run, it gnaws at you, it keeps making you think about those 'what ifs'. Because that's where you are supposed to shine. And I admit, that maybe that part of me just wants you to do it for me. I know it sounds selfish, but maybe that part of me really does.（我理解！所以我不想让你有任何遗憾，因为我有！我以为不再比赛可以解决一切，我以为我可以就这样摆脱痛苦，但是不是这样的。这是逃避。在那一时刻，也许有片刻缓和，一切变得没有那么痛苦了，但是长久来说，它会啃食你的，它会让你总是去想如果没有这样会是怎么样。因为那是你应该闪耀的地方。我承认，我有一部分很想让你为我做这件事。我知道这听起来很自私，但是我有一部分真的这么想。）”

　　Jayden：“Wow, that's for sure honest. （哇，这确实很坦诚。）”

　　东方余悠：“I don't want to force you to do anything, I don't have the right, and I don't want you to do that for me even though I said so, but that's not what I want. （我不想强迫你做任何事，我没有这样的权利，而且我不想你为我做这件事虽然我说我想让你为我做这件事，但是这不是我想要的。”

　　Jayden：“Then what do you want?（那你想要什么？）”他哭笑不得。

　　东方余悠也笑了：“I want you to want it yourself. （我想要你去想要。）”

　　Jayden：“Then you are asking for too much.（那你想要的也太多了。）”

　　东方余悠：“But can you, really consider it, like seriously. If the "no" really outweighs the "yes" even only slightly, then don't do it；but if it's a balance, a step forward may make a world difference.（但是你能，好好考虑一下吗，认真地考虑一下。如果‘否定’哪怕只是超过‘肯定’一点点你就不要去做；但是如果没有孰多孰少，往前一步可能会有巨大的不同。）”

　　Jayden：“Why can't you go back?（你为什么不能重回赛场？）”

　　东方余悠：“I would say I still got a chance until I jumped the building, then there's no way back. So we should really be careful about every decision we make huh?（我觉得哪怕在跳楼前我还有点儿希望回去，之后就再没有回头路了。所以我们每一个决定都要深思熟虑对吧？）”

　　Jayden：“You jumped the building? When? （你跳过楼？什么时候）”他疑惑而又震惊。

　　东方余悠：“Before I came here and definitely before I met you.（在我来这儿之前，在我遇见你之前。） ”

　　Jayden：“My god!（天啊！）”

　　东方余悠：“No wonder I'm your sister huh?（难怪我是你妹妹呢对吧？）” 她说完发现这个玩笑实在是太地狱了，“I'm sorry.（对不起。）”

　　Jayden：“Well, it makes sense. （不过还挺合理的。）”

　　东方余悠：“So why don't give it shot? It might work it might not. But you always have the chance to pull back, just like you always have it to go in. （所以为什么不往前走一步呢？也许能成，也许不能成。但是你永远有退出的机会啊，就像你永远有进入的机会一样。）”

　　Jayden：“Are you sure?（你确定？）”

　　东方余悠：“As long as you keep your level up right? I think you are now at a great place.（只要你的水平在线就可以啊。我觉得你现在就在一个不错的境地。）”，但紧接着她话锋一转：“But you know what, nothing is all hunky dory, like you said, you are gonna like some, and you are gonna hate some and then the other path you didn't get to take will start to seem appealing, and you are gonna get regretful. So you should always know, it's all the same.（但是你知道什么吗，没有什么是完美的，就像你说的，你会喜欢其中的一部分然后讨厌另一部分，然后那个你之前没有选择的道路就会变得格外具有吸引力，然后你就有可能会后悔。所以你应该永远谨记，无论是哪条路都是一样的。）

　　她最后又把话口抻了回来。虽然她实在是很想让他回到赛场，但是她承担不了这做决定的责任，所以在明确表达一番看法后两面洒水，功成身退。

　　Jayden：“OK now I'm just confused. Do you want me to go or not?（你成功把我弄晕了。你到底是想让我回归还是不要？）”

　　东方余悠：“It doesn't matter how I want you to do, it's what you want, what your heart really wants.（我想要你做什么不重要，重要的是你想要什么，你的心想要什么。）”

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